I managed to do something that would make both Henry Parsons Crowell and Sharadamma get queasy in their souls. Crowell, a devout Chicago millionaire, founded Quaker Oats in 1901. Sharadamma, my connoisseur grandmother, fed me upma, a quintessential south Indian breakfast dish typically made of semolina. Earlier this morning I was surprised to find a recipe of oats upma (pronounced oop-ma) on a staid-looking box of Quaker Oats. I was more surprised to find myself cooking it, eating it, and sorta liking it.

To understand how odd this is, you really need to look at the box. On the front, there's the regular Quaker Oats tintinnabulation … cooks in three minutes, helps reduce cholesterol, high in soluble fiber, etc. On the side, there's a little recipe on how to add minced ginger, curry leaves, pulses, mustard seeds, sliced onions, green chillies, red chillies -- all fried in sesame oil, added to roasted Quaker Oats, and dropped into boiling water! No milk, only spice! The last piece of advice on the box is to "serve hot along with coconut chutney." Yum. Somehow, this masala oats combo is supposed to reduce cholesterol. As for me, I became very conscious of the blue-white Quaker man sniggering from inside his logo.

American breakfast has typically had a tough run in the Indian market. Kellogg's glorious entry in 1994 backfired. It took a decade longer to get belly acceptance; apparently Kellogg's has a 70% market share of cereal-friendly India, by its own definition. The cereal-unfriendly India stays so for good reason. Breakfast is an elaborate, freshly-cooked affair. Even if one lives the busy, mindless, city life, there are several quick-to-cook options, which many opt for over breakfasts in a box.

In 2005, Frito-Lay (a division of Pepsi Foods) launched Quaker Oats in India. The company has found a back-door entry into stomachs of the Indian middle-class (sorry, not what you think). It's been drumming its cholesterol-reducer message to the country's increasingly diabetic masses. Try our oats with milk or strawberries. If you don't like it, add some spice instead. Either way, you'll save your heart.

The oats-upma doesn't sound right but it tastes quite alright. If this gastro-mayhem isn't R=G, then what is? I feel this in my gut.